Baffled and Blessed

Sweet baby,

At this point in time, you are literally just a twinkle in our eyes…a whisper of hope in our hearts…a prayer we’ve been praying. Actually, a prayer that quite a few people have been praying. ūüôā You already exist…are already known by our Creator…and yet we haven’t met. Never in my life have I felt more baffled and blessed {to borrow a phrase from my mom} than I do as I wait to see how God works all of this out.

There’s a quote that I love…maybe I’ll hang it in your nursery someday…that says “This is the start of your sweet little story, the part where your page meets mine. No matter where your tale takes you tomorrow, our story will always read love.”

Our pages haven’t met yet, but trust me little one, our story has already begun.

When we made the decision not to pursue biological children, I grieved the loss of a little life {or lives} I would never know. It was strange to me then that I could miss someone I had never met. And now here I am again…finding myself in these moments of wistfulness, missing these little souls that I am already beginning to¬†love in my heart & hope to someday hold.

Somewhere there’s a family preparing to place you with us…to give you a chance to live. We’re praying for them too, curiously wondering where they might be, what circumstances brought them to this place. Making this decision won’t be easy for them, but it is one for which we will always be incredibly grateful. I’m looking forward to seeing their pictures, once a match is made, so that¬†I can start to get more of an idea of what you might look like.

Then there’s us. Filling out forms and mailing applications, saving money and dreaming of little baby things, telling people about this wild thing called embryo adoption and praying that God will receive all glory for leading us down this path. There has been some fear in walking this road, and there will likely be more, but I’ve found such freedom and support and encouragement through sharing this calling with our family, friends, and coworkers.

The way you’ll join our family is shaping up to be one crazy adventure…fairly unprecedented…so our prayer {for quite a long time I’m thinking!} will be that God¬†would pave¬†the path for us as we establish this ‘new normal’ in our life. I like that it won’t be ‘abnormal’ to you…it will just be part of who you are. You already have this amazing testimony of love and life and God’s faithfulness…it’s just incredible.

As I think of what I might say…the day I see you before our embryo transfer, or in sonogram pictures, or as I hold you for the first time…I keep thinking it might be something like what I said to your Dad on the day we were married…

“Thank you for coming…”

Simple, I know. {It’s also been called¬†dorky, but that’s something about me you are just going to have¬†to get used to!} ¬†I just felt such gratitude that he had chosen me…that I was going to be his wife. And I can only imagine the way my heart will swell when I realize that God has placed us together as well…that I will be your momma.

Our story will always read love.

It already does.