bfn.

I find it much easier to type it than to actually say it out loud…the transfer wasn’t successful {well, by the “didn’t result in a pregnancy” standard.} :/ The pregnancy test was a big fat negative, so turn out it wasn’t God’s will for our two little ones to stay.

As always, I wish I had more time so that I could have been writing over the last several of days…thoughts and feelings come quickly these days…. When things get topsy-turvy like this {especially in the middle of the school year} I just can’t seem to get the time away I need to write it all down.

Tonight will be no different; it’s basically stay up and type or go to bed. Since I know I have spring break coming up & can type and think to my hearts content, sleep wins out for now.

I’d say we’re doing pretty well, all things considered. Kind of floating in and out of the first few stages of grief…shock, denial, pain & guilt…a dash of anger & frustration thrown into the mix. We are trying to ‘lean in’ to God and keep our focus & trust on Him.

We’ve told most everyone now that it wasn’t the news we were hoping for, and once again I’ve been amazed & incredibly blessed by the support and love of our friends and family. I’ve called them the hands & feet of Christ many times along this journey, but I continue to see them as just that.

So it’s tough right now, but we don’t walk this road without hope. God has turned our mourning to joy before, and I believe He will do it again. Lord help me, I have to say that to myself over and over {in a shaky voice at that} since we got the results, but I truly do believe it.

I pray that one day soon I’ll be able to say “it is well.”

Even so, blessed am I.

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3 thoughts on “bfn.

  1. Oh sugars~ I don’t even know what to say. I am at such a loss for words. Take your time to grieve and please know that I am here for you. You can email me ANYTIME at 10hopeingod@gmail.com

    I am praying right now that God wrap His mercy around your situation and that He heal you everywhere you hurt. I ask that He provide you with peace that overflows, especially on the hard days, and joy that extends far beyond happiness. Hugs to you my friend! xo

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