thankful is she.

It’s Thanksgiving morning, and we are hosting Chris’ side of the family for a late lunch in a bit. I’ve enjoyed a quiet morning of pj’s and the parade, only missing a cup of coffee. My side of the family is all gathered at my brother’s house this year; holidays are definitely one of those times I wish I could just click my heels to travel back and forth between the festivities. {I would definitely skip out on all of the cleaning up, I can promise you that! Ha!}

I have the table all set and a real cornucopia baking in the oven {haha…probably a Pinterest fail in the making, but it sounds quite Thanksgiving-y, doesn’t it?} The glittered place settings are out, simple centerpieces in place, and there are even big paper-bag turkey drumsticks hung on a garland with care.

There is so much to be thankful for this year…as I’ve been counting my many blessings and naming them one by one, I’ve realized that many of them are messy, that I’ve been on a journey of learning a bit more about the ‘hard thanksgiving’ than I knew before, and that some people would consider a few of my blessings more like inconveniences and curses. That being said, those blessings, the ones that were hard-fought, are the very same ones that have drawn me nearer to Christ and are the same tools He has been using to change me from the inside out. I will count them as blessings, even as I look toward the future and know that there is still the possibility of more ‘hard thanksgivings’ to come. What are blessings, after all, if they aren’t something draws us nearer to God and point to Him?

I’ve also learned this year that thanksgiving always precedes the miracle…and I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that this year, we get to count 4 precious little ones among our blessings. Late Tuesday evening, we received word that the contracts are in and finalized…the adoption of our embryos is complete! Hopefully shipment will be finalized sometime next week, and then we’ll begin the medical process to prepare for our first transfer. The real-ness of it all is still settling in for me…whereas Chris took to the proud daddy role quite easily. It’s really sweet to see his reaction, and that in itself has been something I am thankful for.

I can’t mention our little ones without just becoming weepy at the thought of the family to whom we owe a great debt of gratitude this Thanksgiving season. I can do nothing but pray blessings upon blessings on this couple who made the choice of life for their embryos, gifted us with the opportunity for a family, and shined the glory of Christ as they made a decision that many would be unable to make. I pray that God would just wrap them up in His arms today…that they would know in their hearts how thankful a family many miles away is for their giving hearts. I wish I could hug them myself…I pray that I get the chance to know them more in the future.

This has been quite a year…my heart overflows with thankfulness when I think about our family and close friends…for the ones who have prayed for us faithfully, spoken words of encouragement, given of their time and money to help us raise money for our adoption expenses, and put up with crazy ol’ me…who has been tightly wound and a snotty mess more than I would care to admit.

Last holiday season was very bittersweet, and my smiles didn’t always reach my eyes. This year I am entering the holiday season with a happy and expectant heart, knowing that what God has for me is far beyond what I could ever dream of for myself. I am thankful most of all for Him. For the way He doesn’t leave us alone in our sufferings or confusion, for the way He makes the bitter things sweet. For the beauty He surrounds us with, and for the peace He pours into us through His Spirit. He is good, and He has been good to me.

Thank you Lord…from the bottom of this messy, beautiful, broken heart that you are making new.

Blessed am I.

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