Nothing is wasted.

Now that we are moving closer and closer toward bringing our embryos “home,” people are starting to make a connection they hadn’t really thought through before.

“So wait…what are the odds this will work?”

“I mean…you might not actually end up pregnant after all this?”

“Surely your doctor knows what your odds are of this working…”

I even had one conversation in which the response to realizing that this ‘wasn’t a sure thing’ was “What a waste! Wow…you could do all of this, spend all of that money and time…and for nothing?!”

In that moment I realized that this a line of thought that others probably share with him. He wasn’t speaking out of a place of meanness…he probably wasn’t thinking about how that sounded or what it implied at all. I realized that Chris and I needed to pow-wow and work out our response in case this conversation repeats itself.

Because nothing…nothing…about embryo adoption is a waste.

Do we face the potential of loss? Yes, definitely. We could lose a significant amount of money {at most…about $16k}. We could lose a significant amount of time {up to a year or more of trying to conceive in this way, plus countless hours of coordinating all of this}. Both of those sting…and I’m not saying we wouldn’t lose a little sleep / have some anxiety to work out with God if that were the case.

But even bigger that that, we could lose 4 little lives.

It’s there, in that thought, that I’m brought back to why God called us to this. To why, no matter what happens, this will not have been a waste.

What I was able to reconcile that day is that one way or another, those 4 little ones will live. God will either make it so they live here on earth with us, or He will take them home and they will live abundantly with Him eternally. Either way, by the time we have had the opportunity to thaw / transfer all 4 {that could take up to 2 transfers}, they will be released from the ‘suspended state’ they are now in. The life that God created when He began to knit them together will resume. Nothing about that is a waste.

God is life, God speaks life, and God calls us to life. He calls us to life abundant.

I want to live out of that abundance. Out of that life. I find peace there…I am able to fight the fear that’s always lurking in my mind with that knowledge. It isn’t to say I won’t be heartbroken if God does not choose to continue their life here with Chris & I, but I will not grieve as someone without Jesus would.

The other really important thing that I realized that day is that I don’t need to know what odds the doctor would give us. I’m sure he’ll have one for us…based on the ‘quality’ of the embryos and a variety of other factors. But at this point, a statistic does nothing for me. This is happening. We are going to be thawing & transferring embryos, God willing.

I know if we don’t do it, our chances of celebrating a successful pregnancy is 0%, so any odds have to be better than that. 😉 I know that statistics mean nothing to a God that can do anything, and I know that if I don’t guard myself against that I have the potential to get really caught up in that and become anxious and afraid. I know that God holds us, and our embryos, in His hands…and that we are safe there. I know that His plan is good.

So that’s where I’m at. Concentrating on what I know rather than what could / couldn’t be. Celebrating the life that will be, no matter how the world or others view it. Thanking God that with Him, nothing is wasted.

Blessed am I.

 “Care more than some think is wise,

risk more than some think is safe,

dream more than some think is practical,

expect more than some think is possible.”

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