A graceful wrestler.

Lately I’ve been following the journey of a sweet family who is following God to Kenya. We were friends for a season while they lived in the same town as us, but mostly kept up with one another on Facebook after they moved to the big city. Now that they are moving across the world to Africa, I’m wondering if we’ll be keeping in touch more through her blog and such…life is weird that way sometimes. đŸ™‚

She and I were messaging a few days ago about these adventures we are joining God on…I love how He can be glorified in so many ways, through so many circumstances.

Anyway, she mentioned the learning curve they were facing…which of course struck a chord with me. From the start of this infertility / adoption / embryo adoption journey, we have faced one heck of a learning curve…or curves, really.

Curves with finding an infertility doctor, learning the lingo, maneuvering through the tests.

Curves with navigating the adoption waters, talking with our family and friends, seeking out the route for growing our family.

Curves with learning about these little lives called embryos, home studies, explaining to others what we’re doing and why.

Curves with figuring out what is most important to us, with loving and forgiving and supporting one another through the joys and struggles.

Curves with handling this terrible and yet necessary…and occasionally not so bad thing called waiting.

Initially we weren’t really close with anyone who had faced these challenges…but God is good and we have since met many people who could speak truth and experience to what we’re going through. {Well, except for the embryo part…we haven’t had the opportunity to connect with anyone on that front, but Lord willing, one day we will!}

I can’t say that the phase we are in now is my favorite part. In fact, Momma told me there would be days like this…she knows me too well.

When we were walking the doctor / infertility route, I had things I could do to stay involved in the process…track my temperature {which was pointless, no doctors even asked to look at the multi-page line graph I had created documenting my basal body temp}, schedule appointments and tests, etc.

Then there was the mourning / grief stage, where I was wrestling with God and reading and searching.

After the decision to adopt was made, I began the agency search, paperwork, and even began to dabble in prepping for a baby. Nurseries were on the brain, a crib was bought, names were picked. Busy, busy, busy!

When the embryo piece was added, we quickly moved into officially connecting with an agency, home studies, family profiles, and big checks. Plenty to do…money to raise…lots of active involvement.

And now that allllll of that is done, we’re waiting.

Just waiting.

I was handling things a bit better when there were things I could be doing to help the process along. But this waiting thing? I’m not feeling it.

Honestly, I’m not really accustomed to having to wait on other people’s timetables. It’s a good lesson for me to learn, no doubt. And I’m thankful for this time with Chris and family and friends, where I am still Heather {not someone’s mom}…where we can pick up and go / do pretty easily…where I can sleep a ridiculous number of hours at a time. I’ve enjoyed learning and drawing closer to my Lord this summer, with lots of time to read and meet with others in bible study. Waiting has it’s high points, I suppose.

But I’m growing restless…the baby fever is rising…I’m wrestling with the wait.

I don’t think the wrestling is bad altogether; I’ve come to learn that as I wrestle I come to know more of who the Lord is, of who He’s calling me to be. But I do want to be graceful as I wait…to point back to Him.

Perhaps I’ll spend some time praying that I’ll be a graceful-wrestler in this season of waiting.


Blessed am I.




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