Giggle with Wild Abandon.

I’ve been wanting to write a bit about our recent “Staycation” to a nearby lake.

Today was a good day…the husband had a successful interview, I had girl Bible study time, we had an enjoyable evening, and then we decided to wrap it up with a hearty argument over what can best be described as a misinterpretation of important information presented. {I could describe it in a worse way, trust me.}

*Sigh*

I hate it when good days go bad.

So as I logged on to the old bloggaroo here, I began pounding out a vague and frustrated post about how this husband of mine can…oh, wait a second. Almost slipped there.

As much as I like to think of this like a ‘diary’ or journal…it is still a public space. I don’t want to, for lack of a more comfortable word, slander him in that way. And as much as I want to sort through my feelings and thoughts, it probably wouldn’t do me much good to pound out in writing exactly what he did that frustrated me beyond belief. Is that really something that I would want to go back and read later?

In that spirit, I deleted the post I had started and decided that maybe tonight is a great time to write what I wanted to about our ‘Staycation.’ To build up instead of tear down. To work at softening my heart instead of justifying the hardness that tries to sneak in.

With that in mind…

Last weekend, my parents rented a cabin on a lake that’s about 30 minutes from where Chris & I live. We went down and stayed with them 3 nights/3 days, and my brother & his fiancée came for part of the time as well. None of us are ‘lake people,’ this was the closest we’ve ever gotten to camping, and we weren’t totally sure what we were going to do the whole time we were out there. Over the course of the long weekend, we ended up doing a lot of eating {seriously tasty eating}, relaxing, visiting, and game playing…with a little trail-walking, go-carting, and lake floating mixed in. It really was a lot of fun, and I was happy to have felt as though I really got to go on a vacation this summer. {I didn’t think we would get to budget wise, and I wasn’t quite expecting a trip so close to home to really feel like a vacation – but it did!}

Score one for the staycation…and way to go Mom! She did the majority of the leg work {as in, basically all} and made it a great weekend for our family. I appreciate it so much!

One of the parts that I really want to hang on to…that I feel is most relevant for what I most commonly write about on this blog, is just this brief moment in time that happened as Chris & I drove out to the cabin at the lake…

I was driving, so he’s in the passenger seat. Sun streaming in, on our way to a vacation adventure {but without the stress of having to drive super far or do tons of planning}, he’s taken a day off work. Lately he’s been listening to Hootie & the Blowfish a lot, so he started singing a song that was in his head. It started out nondescript enough, but soon he was in full entertainment mode…belting out that song and hitting notes that shouldn’t exist, all while making the craziest faces. It wasn’t long before we were both just rolling with laughter…the kind that is completely legit and carefree. The kind that reaches your eyes and the corners of your face. The kind that is full of wild abandon…the kind where you are in the moment, and the moment is sweet.

In thinking back on that moment, I came to realize that what made it feel so darn good…so special…so familiar and yet wistful…is that moments like that have been hard to come by in the days of late.

Don’t get me wrong. We laugh together. A lot. Everyday really.

But times have been hard. This last year or so has been a struggle. Not without it’s joys and triumphs and God’s glory…hear me on this. It’s just that, without a doubt, it’s been the toughest year of my life. Facing infertility, fighting the depression that threatens to gain a stronghold on this husband of mind, relying on a multitude of people…doctors, social workers, agencies, genetic parents – most of whom are total strangers…to help us grow our family, an incredibly challenging Kindergarten class for me & a job that will no longer exist for Chris in the next year or so…it’s been a lot to sort through. Most of the time I feel as though we’ve caught our breath, but still haven’t fully regained our footing…

And I didn’t realize, until that moment in the car, how much I miss laughing…like that…with my husband.

I guess this is part of growing up. Some of the naivety we had when we were dating is gone, somewhere in the midst of jobs and a marriage life settles in and there are responsibilities and expectations and anxieties and misinterpretations. And in the hard seasons, laughs don’t always consume the moment…

This post is turning out to be sad, and that’s not how I intended it to be. I wanted to remember a happy moment. And I do believe with all of my heart that days are coming when we will giggle with wild abandon again. This is a season.

So I will remember that crazy husband of mine belting out Hootie songs on the days when this season of trial & hurt threatens to steal our joy. I will thank God for the gift of marriage, that He doesn’t leave us alone in this world, and that He has a plan that weaves good & glory into all things. And I will look for opportunities to laugh every chance I get…until the day when laughs come more readily/often than tears.

That day is coming. A new season is on the horizon. God is at work.

Blessed am I.

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