Such Is Life.

 

May was a crazy busy month…wrapping up a school year is always that way. Since that first match opportunity {which we declined}, all has been quiet on the adoption front.

I had really been fine with that…a lot of other things to focus on, after all…but in the last several days a lot of people have been checking in with me to see where we’re at. And honestly, it’s made me start to become a little antsy.

I finally gave in and e-mailed the agency to see how it’s going on their end. Nothing wrong with that, right? She said to call or check in whenever I wanted/needed to…

Sounds legit, except that I feel like I’m sitting by the proverbial phone…just waiting for it to ring. {In reality I’m carrying my cell phone around with me everywhere I go and hearing phantom alerts that I’ve received a new e-mail.}

Sad, I know.

I have a friend who is going on 2 years of waiting for a call that a birthmother wants to match with them…I can’t even *fathom* what that feels like for her. It has to be my 3 weeks of waiting feelings x about a million.

I’m doing a lot of praying…a lot of asking and thanking God for His provision for today {aka – daily bread}…a lot of slowing down my breathing and heart and mind. A lot of reminding myself of the purpose of all of this is to glorify Christ…and praying that I will do that gracefully as we wait to here more.

Waiting and praying. Trusting in the hallway {or maybe on the porch…with a glass of sweet tea} until God opens a door. That’s where I’m trying to rest…{I did hear back enough to know that a new family is looking over our profile currently…praying!}

*******

On the infertility front {and as those of you who have been there can attest, that is a distinctly separate beast from the adoption front} there have been a few bumps in the road lately.

Tis the season of life…for pregnancy announcements! In the last couple of months there have been several pregnancy announcements…one of which a surprise {even for them!} from some of our very best friends. I didn’t skip a beat when I found out the big news…but although Chris reacted well initially, he still had a couple of days of sorting through the emotions it brought up for him.

Part of it was *totally* my bad…I knew that they were expecting, but didn’t tell him privately. They ended up telling him when we were all out together. When we got home and I figured out that the news had upset him…I honestly felt surprised. I hadn’t really seen it coming…I guess I blindly assumed he was in the same emotional place I was. {How dumb of me…seriously, we are hardly ever on the same emotional page…}

He worked through it, and I’ll know better next time.

Other than that there have been twinges of “and they get to have a baby?!” when I’m in a restaurant or store and see some parent/child interaction gone wrong…which I know is evidence of a prideful heart on my part. :/ Moments like that don’t usually cause me to become super upset…it’s more like they make me shrug and scratch my head in confusion. I get past them.

So yeah. Such is life. It’s messy and not always explainable and sometimes joy comes hand in hand with pain…but thankfully nothing is wasted. My God uses it all.

Blessed am I.

 

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