One of those things.

“She wasn’t bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.”

~Perks of Being a Wallflower

I ran across this quote on my infertility/adoption Pinterest board tonight…and it struck me. There’s this new thing I do {not all the time, it just hits me occasionally} when I start looking at the kids around me and wondering what our child might look like one day.

It happens to me during down moments at school sometimes. It happened to me today at my niece’s soccer game.

I guess it began when my sister-in-law and I had a conversation about how much my nephew resembles Chris…features, expressions, etc. In that moment, I realized that, in some ways, he would resemble Chris more closely than our own child will. {Not that the same thing doesn’t happen in biological families I guess…my cousins look more like my mom more than I do in a lot of ways.}

From there I just got to looking at how unique children are…from the shapes of their noses to their eyes to the color and texture of their hair. Some were with their parents or siblings, and I searched to see what features they had in common…{what a creeper, I know.} My mind was mesmerized with the question of what features my own baby will have one day…

Then tonight, as I worked on finishing up our pictures for the family profile that will be shown to prospective genetic parents, I watched our wedding slideshow and all the sweet pictures of Chris & I as little ones. It saddened me a bit…knowing that we won’t get to lay baby pictures side by side and marvel at the similarities. At how our baby shares the shape of Chris’ eyes, or curly hair…or my smile.

I can sort of picture what a little Heather/Chris baby might look like, but I don’t even have a starting place for picturing what our family photo might look like in a few years.

And I can’t even say that it’s a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

My dad says that once a baby gets here, so much of my thinking and struggles will be nothing but distant memories. Our days will be filled with new experiences and busyness, and we’ll feel like we’ve never known {or were meant to know} anything different.

I think this is one of those things.

“So this is my life. And I want you to know that I’m both happy and sad…and I’m still trying to figure out how that can be.”

~Perks of Being a Wallflower

BUUUUUUT. All that to say…

*God works in amazing ways, and sometimes He chooses to match families & babies in such a way that they really do look like they are biologically connected.

*With embryo adoption, the odds are very high that our embryos will already have at least one living full genetic sibling. As we are matched with our genetic family, we will receive pictures of them…which will help me start to fill in the blanks a bit more on what that family picture might look like. Pretty amazing stuff.

Not something to worry about by any means…just something that catches my mind from time to time. A hopeful kind of sad.

I’ll trust God to work it out.

Blessed am I.

 

 

 

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