One of those things.

“She wasn’t bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.”

~Perks of Being a Wallflower

I ran across this quote on my infertility/adoption Pinterest board tonight…and it struck me. There’s this new thing I do {not all the time, it just hits me occasionally} when I start looking at the kids around me and wondering what our child might look like one day.

It happens to me during down moments at school sometimes. It happened to me today at my niece’s soccer game.

I guess it began when my sister-in-law and I had a conversation about how much my nephew resembles Chris…features, expressions, etc. In that moment, I realized that, in some ways, he would resemble Chris more closely than our own child will. {Not that the same thing doesn’t happen in biological families I guess…my cousins look more like my mom more than I do in a lot of ways.}

From there I just got to looking at how unique children are…from the shapes of their noses to their eyes to the color and texture of their hair. Some were with their parents or siblings, and I searched to see what features they had in common…{what a creeper, I know.} My mind was mesmerized with the question of what features my own baby will have one day…

Then tonight, as I worked on finishing up our pictures for the family profile that will be shown to prospective genetic parents, I watched our wedding slideshow and all the sweet pictures of Chris & I as little ones. It saddened me a bit…knowing that we won’t get to lay baby pictures side by side and marvel at the similarities. At how our baby shares the shape of Chris’ eyes, or curly hair…or my smile.

I can sort of picture what a little Heather/Chris baby might look like, but I don’t even have a starting place for picturing what our family photo might look like in a few years.

And I can’t even say that it’s a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

My dad says that once a baby gets here, so much of my thinking and struggles will be nothing but distant memories. Our days will be filled with new experiences and busyness, and we’ll feel like we’ve never known {or were meant to know} anything different.

I think this is one of those things.

“So this is my life. And I want you to know that I’m both happy and sad…and I’m still trying to figure out how that can be.”

~Perks of Being a Wallflower

BUUUUUUT. All that to say…

*God works in amazing ways, and sometimes He chooses to match families & babies in such a way that they really do look like they are biologically connected.

*With embryo adoption, the odds are very high that our embryos will already have at least one living full genetic sibling. As we are matched with our genetic family, we will receive pictures of them…which will help me start to fill in the blanks a bit more on what that family picture might look like. Pretty amazing stuff.

Not something to worry about by any means…just something that catches my mind from time to time. A hopeful kind of sad.

I’ll trust God to work it out.

Blessed am I.





Home study.

This past week we finished submitting all of the paperwork for our home study, and today we had our big interview!!

I have a group of ladies from church who have adopted/fostered in the past {or are hoping to soon!} and have completed home studies of their own, so they were a great resource for me. Their biggest piece of advice was not to stress too much over cleaning…so we really didn’t. Chris mowed the lawn yesterday, and I made sure everything was straightened up {the house had been thoroughly cleaned on Thursday.} We tested the smoke alarms {not that we didn’t already know the one in the kitchen works!} and installed a carbon monoxide detector. Chris got his gun safe moved inside and all the guns stored inside, and we were pretty much ready to go.

We actually even took our regularly scheduled Sunday afternoon nap, which felt like a good sign that we were relaxed and ready for this next step.

Our social worker arrived at 4 and left at 6, and was very friendly & helpful. She interviewed us separately, then together for a few minutes, and took a brief tour of our home. We’re looking forward to receiving the proof of our study within a week, and hopefully have the completed study turned into our agency by Easter! {Then we can enter the matching phase…wow!!}

I think our favorite part of visiting with her was hearing about a friend of hers who has a successful embryo adoption story…twins! Unlike traditional adoption, we haven’t been able to have a direct {or even indirect, beyond reading} connection to anyone who has walked this path before…so that was neat.

Overall we both felt good about the interview & managed to stay pretty cool, calm, and collected. I’m going to go ahead and give a big shout out to the prayer warriors we had praying for us for that victory! 🙂

Blessed am I.

Moments of Questioning.

Super short post tonight…I’m ready for sleepy-time.

A friend of mine is a pastor up in Kansas {or over in Kansas…let’s go ahead and put it out there that I’m terrible at geography}, and he recently wrote a blog review of the movie “Noah.” What is so great about this guy in particular is that he often has such a different viewpoint on culture and God’s word than what we typically hear from the ‘Christian community’…he challenges me to look at things through a different lens, and I appreciate that.

Anyway, mostly I just wanted to capture a couple of quotes that resonated with me {especially after my thought processes this past weekend} so that I can remember them later. 🙂 His full review / blog post can be found here.

“A part of living by faith and not by sight are moments of questioning. Your faith has never been tested if it’s never been questioned.”

“{This movie} touches on trusting God to provide for your needs and to trust Him when things don’t make sense. And, the feelings of inadequacy we can sometimes feel when God, who is perfect, asks us to do something so big when we are just imperfect and small.”

Thanks for the food for thought Pastor Don.

Blessed am I.


Family Photos.

My dearest college friend {who I also had the unexpected joy of teaching with for a while} is a budding photographer in her ‘spare time.’ How she has any of that, I’ll never know. Coach’s wife, mother of two, teacher…it makes me tired just thinking about it. 🙂 She is our go-to for family pictures, so of course she was the one to take our “We’re Adopting!” pictures.

I knew I wanted a more casual style, since some of the pictures would be used in our family profile for prospective genetic family to look at. The weekend we chose ended up being rainy {a welcome thing in Texas!} so we improvised and moved the session to our house. Going for the “Life & Style” look I guess. 😉

I’m not quite ready to share them on Facebook…probably once we are ‘home study approved’…but I thought a few posted here would be fun. I could do an entirely different post about ‘the many faces of Chris’…he has an entire blooper folder on the cd of pics she gave us.

So…here they are! See if you can find the hint of embryo adoption! 😉

Blessed am I.