Testing the Call.

So…crazy Texas weather happening around these parts…which meant our agency orientation was postponed for several weeks.

I didn’t cry {which pretty much felt like a major accomplishment to me}…I’m not sure if it was because I was already anticipating a change in the schedule because of the icy weather or if it’s because we have this new option which occupies a lot of my mind lately. :/

Overall we were disappointed, but not devastated.

In the meantime, we have set up a doctors appt to meet with “our” fertility specialist {I call him that loosely because his only role in our story thus far has been to help diagnose our reasons for infertility} to discuss the medical side to adopting / implanting an embryo. I feel like the information he will have to offer will be a key component to making our final decision, and would have been missing had we actually been able to go to the traditional-adoption-agency-orientation this weekend.

So….the seeking and praying continues.

I was reminded today how to ‘go about’ seeking God from an ‘Experiencing God’ study we did as a church a year or two ago. It begins by seeing where God is already at work {adoption: check} then joining Him there. That’s where it becomes even more important to pay attention to Him, because there are different ways He has for each of us to ‘join him.’ {i.e. – not everyone is called to adopt, but you can join God in His heart for adoption by praying, monetary support, etc.} We are then to ‘test’ how we feel like He would have us to join Him against the truth of His word, to make sure we are really hearing from Him and walking according to His will. Once we confirm that what we feel like we’ve heard lines up with the nature of God and His Word,  we are free to join Him where He is at work in the way He has called us…

Does that make sense to anyone besides me? 😉

All of that said, I can wholeheartedly say that we’ve been seeking God’s face. We’ve been testing what we are hearing and feeling against His word…we’ve been seeking the council of others who can help us understand the Christian perspective of embryo adoption…we’ve been asking and muddling through answering some very real moral and ethical questions that require us to clearly define what we believe and where we stand.

In other words, we’ve been testing the call.

God is speaking. He’s coming through for us. He is providing peace and confirmation, as I expect He will continue to in the next few weeks through our doctors appointments and ultimately orientation. Come March 1st, I believe we’ll have answered God’s specific call to action and will be ready to pursue the adoption path He is calling us to.

I still spend moments staring sheer terror in the face {and I’m really not trying to be dramatic in saying that…parts of this call to adopt, whichever way, are terrifying to me} and I can relate well to Moses when he was saying “Not me God…really, seriously…this doesn’t make sense. Surely there are others who are more qualified to do your work…”

For those reasons, I’ve spent a lot of time listening {on loop} to a song that touched my heart around the Christmas season…”Be Born in Me” by Francesca Battistelli.

I am not brave
I’ll never be
The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I’m just a girl
Nothing more
But I am willing, I am Yours

Amen and Amen.

Blessed am I.

P.S. – I feel like I’m so behind on writing about my process of thinking through embryo adoption…my goal for this week is going to be to try and write a little every night so that I can get some of it out and into words…


2 thoughts on “Testing the Call.

  1. Thank you for your post! This is an encouragement to me. We have just begun our prayerful journey of adoption, and if it were not for my medical situation, we would have considered embryo adoption. Adoption is so beautiful, and I am confident God will reveal to you which way to go as you seek Him. We are praying for you and excited to read about your journey. I also love that song, it is always one that strikes a chord with my soul.

    • Thank YOU for the encouragement as well! I’ve been checking your blog for a new post; I was excited to see that you mentioned adoption in your last post. It’s amazing how quickly God can begin to heal a broken heart and breathe new life into us, isn’t it?

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