Today I have another day off of school…which means just over 4 days of being “iced in” thanks to this winter storm. Yesterday I was feeling kind of guilty over how non-productive this little break has been, but as I texted with my friends who have little ones at home I realized that I should probably enjoy this quiet, nap-whenever-I-want season of life. 🙂
Today I’m finishing up a really great book that a friend of my mom’s lent me, doing some of the infant care course work that the agency requested, and *maybe* doing a little work cleaning out the guest closet. As I sat down to get started on my work, I checked my e-mail and decided to try to ‘unsubscribe’ from some of the bazillion e-mails I get everyday. For that reason, I opened a few that I haven’t taken the time to read in quite a while…and I’m glad I did.
This is what was waiting for me.
In a lot of ways, I’ve been feeling better & stronger than I was when I was really in the midst of my deep pain and struggle. Now it seems as though I’m struggling with feeling a bit melancholy. Usually Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year…I love to cram as many Christmas-y experiences in as I can and spread cheer to all of those that I know and love. But this year…I just feel kind of blah. I don’t think I’m depressed, I just don’t quiet feel myself.
So when I read this e-mail, and as I began to type this post, it became clear to me that what I’m missing right now is that ‘complete joy.’ I want to laugh and have the smile reach my eyes; I want to not feel so tired and ho-hum. I want to soak in every moment of this time in our marriage when it’s just Chris & I…giving us the time & attention we deserve, not just being wistful about what the future may or may not bring. I want to fully feel…I guess maybe the best way to put it is that I’ve felt a little numb lately. (Perhaps after struggling through such an intense time of feeling my body & mind need a rest…I don’t know…but her words helped me recognize my desire for the happiness that comes from the joy of Christ to bubble up in me again.)
I pray that this Christmas especially, I would be reminded that joy came into the world in the form of a precious little baby…and because of that, I can rest and rejoice in the joy & peace He gives me.
Blessed am I.
P.S. – Obviously I’m not going to be unsubscribing from this particular blog…check her out at http://unveiledwife.com/