In my skin. {part 1}

Today a friend of my mother-in-law’s…who has been praying for Chris & I alongside Debbie since she shared with them our infertility struggles & the decisions we were facing (as well as faithfully praying for my challenging class at school this year) sat down at church to talk with me. Although we just spoke for a few minutes, I was so encouraged by her words. She spoke life. She spoke the truth of who God is, the truth that He is in control, and (although she didn’t say this directly) the truth that God has chosen Chris & I for such a time as this. I appreciated it more than she knew.

One of the comments she made about all I’ve been facing/trying to sort through and deal with was “I don’t know what’s it’s like to be in your skin.” That got me thinking, for several reasons…but I’m only going to share one of them tonight, because this girl is *tired!*

Several of my close family & friends have told me that they just don’t really know what to say to me {in regards to our infertility/loss}. They hurt for us, they want to support us, and yet…they don’t know what to say to us. What they often don’t know is that, by their acknowledgement, they are doing exactly what I need…and that’s what this sweet lady did today. She admitted that she doesn’t totally know what it’s like to be me…but she shared a part of her life story to show that she could empathize with me, and she spoke God’s truth to me.

I don’t expect others to have all the answers for me, or to be able to “fix” this new reality in our life…because they can’t. I don’t wish that they could fully understand, because I wouldn’t wish the pain & loss we’ve experienced on anyone else.

What has meant the most to me is when people have said…in one way or another…”I don’t know what this is like for you…but I want you to know that I love you, and I’m here for you, and I’m praying for you.” It’s the people who have just cried with me, who have been okay with me when I was sad and quiet and not sure what to say, and who have faithfully prayed for us…it’s those people who have been the hands and feet of Christ in my life over the last several months.

And now…it is incredible to witness those same people begin to rejoice with us as we share with them the new calling God has placed on our life.

Even just a few short months ago I didn’t fully know what it was like to stare infertility in the face. I didn’t know what I would need from others, what comments would sting, or what would make me break down in tears. I had never really faced anything that required so much of me or cost me so dearly.

I pray that I never forget what it was like to be in this skin…and that when I encounter others who are facing their own trials & struggles I will be able to show them the undeniable love of Christ, just as it has been shown to me.


There’s been one other special friend…one that has walked this road before…in a way that is so closely aligned to the circumstances that have brought Chris & I to this point. I can’t hit “publish” on this post without giving glory & praise to God for placing her in my life. In many ways, she “knows this skin.” She has come alongside me and told me that I’m not alone, that I’m not crazy, that I’m not abnormal when I can’t stop crying and don’t know why.

When she and her husband were in the midst of their storm, she had a friend telling her that one day there would be a couple who would need them…who God would place in their life to minister to and speak the truth of hope and healing and love and babies and Jesus.

We are that couple.

There may be others, but for now, in this moment, we are those people. And they have shown us that, with Christ, it is possible to walk through this fire and come out on the other side stronger. Their lives are a testament to the beauty that God brings from the ashes.

I have been so blessed by their testimony, and I just don’t know that in this world I’ll ever be able to thank them enough for sharing in our struggle in a very real and personal way. The best way I know to show them my appreciation is to commit to the Lord that if He ever sends a hurting couple our way…I will speak the truth of hope and healing and love and babies and Jesus.

Blessed am I.

Here…now…in this skin…blessed, blessed am I.


One thought on “In my skin. {part 1}

  1. So glad you have those people in your life to come along side you and give you support, even if they don’t empathize, they sympathize, and that means a lot! I think the phrase “for such a time as this” is incredibly powerful and I love the book of Esther! Looking forward to reading the blog post where God uses your story to help others! So glad God never wastes our pain!

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