Oh oh oh…

I’m reading a book right now called “God is Able” by Priscilla Shirer. I’m probably going to have to read it again, with a pencil & notepad by my side…it is just full of good, solid truth. I need all of that I can get these days.

Research mode continues…talking to people who have experienced infertility and various treatment options, checking into the Family Medical Leave Act and my disability insurance, searching our hearts for what God is saying…

I just feel like I don’t have the time I need to figure everything out. Not that we’re on a deadline or anything…I just don’t have the time I want to research and talk and sort through all of this.

That’s definitely been the case when it comes to my PCOS {polycystic ovary syndrome}. I’ve never actually even talked to a doctor about it very in depth, but the diagnosis has been confirmed by 3 doctors…so I guess it’s for sure what I’ve got.

Before I went off of birth control, I’d always had a verrrrrry regular cycle. I mean just couldn’t get more regular. Painful as all get out, but regular. When I went off, it was like my body was just absolutely out of control. Within the first 4 1/2 months I had something like 10 periods…

It was horrible.

Initially I was diagnosed with a uterine polyp & surgery was recommended…but blessedly I got a second opinion because, as it turned out, I did *not* have a polyp. {I also did *not* go back to that doctor.}

The next doctor was of the mindset that I should just wait it out; give my body a little more time to bounce back from the years on birth control. While I understood the concept, those periods were wearing me out…I felt like my body hated me. :/

I finally convinced him (not even sure how…maybe because I mentioned that we were expecting to have problems conceiving?) to perform an internal sonogram to make sure nothing medically was causing the problem.

He told me that he honestly didn’t expect to find anything…but even as they were doing the procedure I noticed that the tech became very quiet and I wondered if my ovaries were supposed to look like they were made up of tons of smaller circles. {Turns out, the answer to that is a big NO.} When he called, he admitted to being confused by the results. Although my ovaries showed signs of being “polycystic,” a lot of the other symptoms typically presented by PCOS were not applicable to me.

He had me take at-home ovulation tests for a month to see if I was ovulating or not. That was not a happy process for me {silver lining moment – at least I don’t have to do those anymore!!} because seeing a negative sign every single day has a way of playing games with your mind.

During that first month, I never had cause to believe (through either the tests or my basal temperature charting) that I had ovulated, so I called the doctor back. That time I didn’t even get to talk to him…the nurse said I could either keep taking the tests or they would go ahead and refer me to a fertility specialist.

I opted to do both…and I’m glad I did. The tests eventually showed that I had probably ovulated the second month, which was encouraging…but it took me all the way from middle of July until beginning of September to get into the specialist.

When I did, we truly thought we were going in pinpoint what was going on with my crazy body. I knew that eventually there would probably be testing involved for Chris, but neither of us had any idea what was coming or how quickly it would progress. {I guess it was a little naive of us…he was a *fertility* specialist after all…}

The day of that first appointment, we talked in depth with the doctor, and I had bloodwork and an additional sonogram done. The whole time, I kept feeling like the doctor was not understanding our main purpose for being there, or acknowledging that my irregular cycle was a point of frustration and anxiety for me. He was wrapping up our appointment when I finally blurted out, “But why am I bleeding so much?!”

Almost offhandedly, he responded, “Oh, because you have PCOS. That’s not really a problem for me though.”

Turns out, both sonograms confirmed a diagnosis for PCOS. The confusion for the last doctor came in that usually PCOS patients have fewer periods, not more. The laid back approach of the fertility doctor came from the fact that having PCOS can actually help me when it comes to reproductive therapy, because my ovaries produce an abundance of eggs…and hold on to them.

In fact, he kept saying things like “These are the best ovaries I’ve seen all day!” and “Your ovaries are rockstars!”

 So. Weird.

The 3rd confirmation came when I went to have the test done to make sure there weren’t any problems with my tubes. That’s another story in itself (a weird, wacky, super uncomfortable story…for another time!) but the doctor who performed the procedure was comfortable confirming the diagnosis.

So where that leaves me…I’m not really sure. I know that the typical treatment is to go back on birth control, but I really want to explore other options. I know it is highly improbable that we will conceive on our own, but I don’t want to do anything that would hinder that possibility further. I’ve heard that pregnancy can reverse PCOS, but some of what I’ve read doesn’t agree with that. I’ll also probably never know how or why this came on…but as far as women & infertility problems go, this is one of the most common and most easily treated.

{Long term effects can include weight gain/trouble losing weight & excessive hair growth…so at least now I can blame the mustache I battle on PCOS. That’s a good thing I guess. *wink*}

My last period was a solid week long and really painful…and here I am, only 4 days later, and another one has started.

It’s honestly quite defeating. Not my best day ever.

I went ahead and called the doctor…surely there is some other type of medicine they can put me on that can level this thing out.  Praying that I hear back from him tomorrow…and it would be awesome if he would just call me in a prescription so that I don’t have to pay for an office visit that would be *super.*

So yeah. I know what is going on and how it is affecting me at this moment in my life, but what it means for the future is not so clear.

But allllllll that said, I know that there are far, far worse medical conditions to be dealing with, so I’ll get over my pity party soon enough.

Truly truly, Blessed am I.


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