I spent this past weekend at my parents house. Before I left today we talked about where things stand, how I’m feeling, what direction all of this could be heading in…
And then, tonight, my parents drove 2 hours to see me…for the sole purpose of grieving with Chris & I and acknowledging the loss of what we had all hoped for.
It was incredibly powerful…and meant more to us than Chris & I will probably ever know how to express.
The reality of this new phase of life seems to hit in waves. For Chris, it’s not so much a new phase as an old one…not completely resolved by any means, but not so fresh of a wound. For me, it was hearing the doctors words…and the following days of searching & allowing what that would mean for our future to settle into my bones.
For my parents, the tide came crashing in today, as they realized that the loss of the ability to have a biological child is just as real as losing a baby through other means, such as a miscarriage; and that while they raised me to be strong, I would need people in my life with whom I could be weak, with whom I could share this burden.
And so they came to me. They held me, and cried with me, and told us that they were sorry for this loss.
It affirmed me in a way that I didn’t even realize I needed to be affirmed.
Even with all of this pain & struggle…we all, Chris’ family included, still feel so strongly in God’s will and perfect plan. He has already been at work giving us peace in the ultimate outcome…and now I pray that He would give us peace in the process.
Peace in the loss.
So to my Daddy & Momma…thank you for sharing in this burden with me. You teach me what it means to love & be loved…and tonight I experienced a new and beautiful portion of that love.
I am so thankful that God gave me to you & I love you both.
Blessed am I.
….And to the babies who will join our family one day….this will all be yours. Love without measure. We are all looking more and more forward to sharing it with you.